love, left fallow, bursts forth from the spring

by early night

supported by
Matt Summers
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Matt Summers best fuzz tones i've ever heard/was my introduction to heavy fuzzed out guitars, makes me want to play drums Favorite track: iv.
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1.
02:07
2.
04:41
3.
03:02
4.
02:26
5.
04:27
6.
03:18

about

These songs were created and finished between several homes from winter 2015 to winter 2016. They are the outcome of leaving and letting go, worrying and regretting, missing, loving, longing, apologizing, escaping time and context, discovering, dreaming, being unafraid, and moving on.

Thanks to z for lending vocal help and guidance.

credits

released April 8, 2016

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early night Olympia, Washington

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Track Name: i
The house disappeared into the melting snow, just a flicker of light. I laid down in the clearing. I closed my eyes and I got some rest. I woke up and left.
Track Name: ii
The birds make nests in electrical coils, like I lay in your bed: To be shocked and burned and drowned in the rain outside. Who are you? Who am I? Your wind keeps blowing and I am caught in its path.

What choice do I have, but to lay still? And let you define what my body will not confute, because it is truth beyond your understanding.
Track Name: iii
Caught the smoke from an old man's chimney. I swear it was red with quiet death. Would you recognize me if i said, "hello. how are you? I've missed you. i hope you're doing okay. there are all these stories which we haven't shared."

How can you know everything around you? Where all bodies lie? (in a bed or in the ground)

Standing, where i'd stand, again. Remembering that I am the rabbit hiding under the shed, painting the bare snow with soft pads.
Track Name: iv
(Don't think about how)
(I cast you out)
(Remember to love again)

Things to not think about:

I'm not worth anything
I don't fit in
I did nothing to deserve this
My gender isn't complicated
I hate my body
It's better back home
I don't have any passions
I can't feel a connection
It will be better
It's difficult
I'm depressed
I'm not worth it
I'm not worth anything
I don't fit in
I did nothing to deserve this
My gender isn't complicated
I hate my body

(speak it as a spell to ward them off: you deserve better for yourself)
Track Name: v
What's all this talk of romance? Romance is something that needs to be destroyed and replaced with a new love that is open and unafraid.

Seeing your body in new ways. When who you are starts to come apart into pieces. And I wish you love. It's a sincere wish that you have what you need to be whole.

Slowly, thing become clearer to you. The fog lifts with the blooming dawn to reveal a mountain: strong and bold reflecting in the lake. You look at your hands and you know they are yours. It is your legs you see when you look down and they look how you have always seen yourself but never knew, were told to never know, and were kept from wondering and dreaming. But it's from these dreams that we discover our light and the way we light others. Saying hello again and again to yourself and all you have become in this body, that was once your worst enemy and is now your best friend.

I feel your strings, invisible, pulling me.

When the trees fall down, I hope they take the houses with them. And with them, all locked doors, all scared hearts, all closed hands. Then we'll begin to breathe again.

I take a breath, and my heart explodes with love and grief. I welcome you in, again and again, and oh how I've missed you.
Track Name: vi
If I hide them in the lining, the last left will be the burnt ashes. The moss glows in the twilight and I built a fire; it filled up the room. I'm not quite sure who I am, but I like it.

Lights come on and off in the early night, and I forget what my hands look like. But there's still a silence when forgetfulness blossoms. Quiet the hum too, turn it off, and lie down. Close the windows, breathe in a deep breath, and throw them open again.

I left the light on because you taught me to fear the dark. And in the dark I could not quite tell who you were or who I was.